What is it that you want your children to learn? What kind of people do you want them to become? How do you embody that? These are the top three questions you’ll want to ask yourself to assess how well you are filling the “role model” responsibilities of parenting. A fourth question you might consider adding is: who are the other important adults in my children’s lives who can be role models for them?
If you have a partner (or a good friend) to share these questions with, even better! Together you can talk about these questions to clarify your thinking. With clearer thinking, actions to support what you are doing well and decisions about where you might like to improve come more easily.
The real challenge of parenting is how be an example of the values you hope your children will live by. It is one thing to tell children how we want them to be, it takes a lot more work and self-awareness to model those aspirations. And the truth is, they are learning a lot more from what they see you do than what they hear you say. The ideal, of course, is that what you say matches what you do.
If you want them to be respectful, do you demonstrate respectful behavior toward them and others? If you want to instill the value of education, do you continue to learn and show interest in their learning? If you say health is important, are you eating a balanced diet, exercising, and getting enough rest? And if they act in a way that goes against the values you try to teach, rather than react with a shriek of horror can you be curious about when and where they may have witnessed acceptance of that behavior?
The good news is that there is no requirement to be what you can’t be, so you don’t have to be perfect. In fact, acknowledging your mistakes, accepting responsibility, apologizing, and talking through how to do better is a powerful way to role model what it means to be human.
By Nadine J. Smet-Weiss, Community Liaison; translated by Johnathan Rodriguez-Baez, HRC and Youth Ambassador Coordinator
