According to Sara Villanueva, Ph.D., “on average here in the U.S. teens begin dating around the age of thirteen.” (Psychology Today 12/22/15). If you are the parent of a 12-year-old, that may cause you – or your heartbeat – to pause. I can imagine some reactions: ‘Not my baby!’; ‘I won’t allow dating until they are finished with graduate school!’; ‘I’m too young to be a grandparent!’
The good news is you can relax a little bit. The definition of dating in the early teens is often limited to texting, being friends on social media, and maybe holding hands at school. The even better news is this is a great opportunity for you as a parent. If you have already started the conversations about healthy relationships, now is the perfect time to build on that base. If you have yet to start the conversations, now is the perfect time to begin. Dating during the teens and twenties is mostly about learning how to be in, and how we expect to be treated in, committed relationships. The wedding bells can wait.
The foundation for healthy relationships is healthy boundaries – emotional, physical, and digital – rooted in respect. Before you begin (or continue) the conversations with your child, think about your own boundaries and then think about yourself at the age your child is now. What was or would have been helpful for you to learn about boundaries at that stage of life? What are your hopes for your child as their relationships expand beyond family and friends, to include sweethearts? Start and continue the conversation(s) from there, listening at least as much as guiding your child while they develop a personal awareness of what a healthy relationship looks like for them. For more information about healthy boundaries: evolvetreatment.com/blog/healthy-dating-boundaries/
by Nadine J. Smet-Weiss, Community Liaison Translated by Johnathan Rodriguez-Baez, HRC/YA Coordinator
