I think we can all agree that life all comes down to Love and Relationships. I’ve been on my death bed… and not one time did money and things come to mind. It was all about relationships… who impacted you and who you’ve impacted; positively or negatively. So, since relationships make the true quality of life… let’s Champion them!
What do I mean, Champion Your Relationship? I love sports and it always burns me up to watch a team winning the game… have the game WON…then begin to play safe. Playing “not to lose instead” of playing to win… there’s a huge difference and Champions know that! Then the other team comes back, makes the big upset win, and everyone is stunned. Businesses do it too… they are successful and meeting the need of the public… begin to play it safe… then are out of business. Have you seen a Blockbusters lately??? So here are 3 things to Champion our relationships; allowing it and us to EVOLVE… or allow us the peace of mind knowing that we did everything we could have done! Use this in your relationships as a Person, Partner, Parent, and Professional and enjoy your EVOLUTION!!!
First – Marry your superpowers and their needs. We all have superpowers… that special thing you bring into relationships that you give so effortless and freely to the people or the person you love. It may be listening, buying them gifts, becoming their care-taker, physical intimacy. This is YOUR THING and you are proud of giving it and know you do it damn well! This is the thing that YOU are most proud of and during rough relationship times begin to get self-righteous about that they “Should” appreciate and “they’ll never find somebody like you”, or “You’re the best thing they ever had”. Maybe this is true… maybe it’s not. The only clear truth is… you did what was easiest and most natural for you to do or give; perhaps not realizing it may not be what the other person really wanted or needed. Just because it makes YOU feel good to give it; doesn’t mean it’s the gift you think it is.
Secondly… What they need? It’s great you are willing to give what is most natural for YOU to give; what about what they need? Do you know? If you do… great! If you don’t, ask! Now… THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!! Is what they want and need… reasonable, doable, and fair for who you are, where you want to go in life, and healthy for you and the relationship? If yes… are you willing to do it with the realm of your capabilities and perhaps stretching your limits? If no… then you have your answer if this is the relationship for you.
Now…Marry your superpowers and their needs. See… it’s not just about giving what is easiest for you, or what you want to give, or how appreciative and lucky they should feel to have you or fulfilling their needs like a servant. Do, give, and Love naturally how you are… because if you can’t do that in your relationship and be appreciated for it… you’ll become resentful and frustrated. Mix in their wants and needs; being sure to give that way too… and EVOLVE!!!
Second – Forgiveness. No one gets out of relationships without having something to forgive their partner for. Some big, some small, some freak’n colossal!!! At any rate… it’s important to know the words “I forgive you” can be said in a moment, but FORGIVESS itself is not a single act… rather a process.
- Controlled Venting – You need to share your pain (the event or your story), but not to everyone and anyone. Your venting and storying-telling needs to be people-limited and time-limited. Have you ever seen that person that is constantly talking about what someone did to them to everyone that comes into their 18 inches of personal-space. Only to be Bobbleheaded to death and told how right they are to feel the way they feel. Don’t be that person! That person only goes back to their relationship with more righteous pain; tending to make no changes and everything worse!
- Understand Your Offender’s “WHY” – This doesn’t mean you agree or like that someone hurt you. It means that they are a person and had their reason. Whether that reason was healthy, unhealthy, right, wrong, stupid, whatever…. Your job is to understand it, them, and evaluate!
- Boundary-Setting – Everyone has a line! Most people will say where their line is, but in meaningful relationships… they will move their line and let people tip-toe over it, run past it, and sometimes pole vault over it. But YOU KNOW when enough is enough and it’s OK to make boundaries for yourself. Just be sure the boundary you set is something you can and will follow through with.
- Let Go – Now you can “Let Go”. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget, it’s a process, and is a necessary part in any relationship!
Third – The 3 Other Marriages! – While you are focused on your relationship… most people forget about THEMSELVES; losing themselves in the good and bad of the relationship and watching themselves drown. There are 3 things every person needs to marry: Themselves, Their Dream, and their “Why”
- Yourself – Most will stand at an alter and profess and promise their love and make vows to another person; before ever contemplating making vows to themselves! What vows have you lovingly made to YOU? I vow to love “me”, go after my goals, never to fail only learning from my failures making be ever-evolved, I vow to respect and honor myself, I vow to reach my definition of success and Marry my dream but not the path I think “should” get me there, etc.
- Your Dream – What is your dream? Marry it… but not the path! Life is a windy road and most don’t take a straight line for too long.
- Your “Why” – Why do you want your dream, that person, hat job, etc.? This is what you will benefit to remember when the road starts to wind, the relationships get strained, you struggle to believe in yourself. Honor your why. Why do I love You Evolving Now? Because I get to help people, in my own way, with concepts I created. My “Why” for my life doesn’t change, but my circumstances can. If I honor my “Why” it will lead me to where I want and need to be!
“I vow to love “me”, go after my goals, never to fail only learning from my failures making be ever-evolved, I vow to respect and honor myself, I vow to reach my definition of success and Marry my dream but not the path I think “should” get me there!” – Andre Young
If you like this Blog, you’re going to love my You Evolving Now 1-on-1 Virtual-Mentoring Sessions, EVOLVING Now University, and app, YEN Push at www.youevolvingnow.com Visit now and start your EVOLUTION towards best life as a Person, partner, Parent, and Professional!!!
By: Andre Young